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The Virgin Issue Part Two: Purity Balls

June 8, 2010

"Your vag is always on my mind, honey."

For Fathers:
I (Daughter’s Name)’s Father, choose before to God to war for my daughter’s purity. I acknowledge myself as the authority and protector of my daughter’s virginity, and pledge to be a man of integrity as I lead, guide, and pray over my daughter and her virginity – as the High Priest of my home.

For Virgins:
I (Name) pledge my purity to my father, my future/husband and my Creator. I recognize that virginity is my most precious gift to offer to my future husband. I will not engage in sexual activity of any kind before marriage but will keep my thought and my body pure as a very special present for the one I marry.

For Secondary Virgins:
I (Name) re–pledge my purity to my father, my future/husband and my Creator. I now recognize that virginity is my most precious gift to offer my future husband. I deeply regret and will never again engage in sexual activity of any kind before marriage but will keep my thought and my body pure as a very special present for the one I marry.

Is there anything creepier than the idea of a purity ball?

Answer: No.

Jesus Christ, just reading those pledges makes my skin crawl and my stomach churn.

Purity balls are just another way for parents to avoid educating their children about sex. But more importantly it’s a way to continue to shame women about sex starting at a young age. Daughter, see that thing between your legs? That’s right, you don’t. Don’t ever look at it, touch it, or wonder about it. It’s nothing of your concern and if you take an interest in you’re a dirty little slut.

Yes, in theory I understand how it’s suppose to teach young women that they should wait for a man who loves and respects them, wants to marry and start a family, as modeled by a loving father in a healthy, (preferably nuclear) family. Let’s ignore the fact that that by a father referring to himself as the ‘high priest of the family’ that he is oppressing the other members and that good Christian marriages end in divorce too. Plus, a father who is claiming his daughter’s virginity as something which he needs to protect, an outdated and debatable concept, clearly has no respect or trust in his daughter. Exactly how is this a positive role model for future relationships? Yeah, your beau will respect you, but he’ll still dictate major decisions to you regarding an extremely intimate area or your life.

And why is a girl only validated if a boyfriend respects her? What about respecting herself and making her own decisions regarding her body? And if a parent is going to “own” any piece of their child’s body, why is the father, who has no idea what the female experience is like? How is a girl supposed to respect herself if the “greatest gift” she can give is her virginity? Really? The most important part of a girl is the one used for sexin’ it up? Not her intelligence or her love, just an orifice where a dick, or other objects depending on your interests, can go. Oh yeah, that’s a great message to send to your daughters: your value lies in your vagina. But only once. After that, it’s all down hill.

If parents are so concerned about their children boning, they should just talk to them about it. Explain what sex means both physically and emotionally. Discuss how increasing the age at which you choose to have intercourse decreases your number of partners and therefore lessens your exposure to disease.

I’m in no way suggesting that kids should run around fucking each other, because kids are god damn stupid, but an informed young woman should be able to make her own decisions regarding her body. If her parents have empowered her from a young age that she, and only she, is in control of her body, then they are creating a stronger, more confident and productive member of society.

Purity balls have no point but to shame and devalue women based on concepts that were formed in a time where illness was caused by demons, rats materialized out of garbage, and it was acceptable to occasionally fuck a sheep. It’s time to move forward and teach girls that they are more than their virginity.

Go forth and hate.

Related The Hating Expert posts:
The Virgin Issue Part One: The Mythical Hymen
Safe Sexy Time Part One: Barrier Methods

Protesting Arizona? Alright, But Do You Know How Stupid You Sound?

May 19, 2010

As anyone with a drop of sense was aware would happen, the passage of Arizona’s SB1070 has caused quite the shit storm. People who are upset about the law are entitled to be so. However, it’s important  to remember that it’s the law that is the issue, not the people who live there. Most Arizonans were completely unaware of the bill until shortly before it’s passage, had nothing to do with its drafting, and have protested it vehemently. So to claim that people in Arizona are racist is a completely ludicrous statement (almost as ridiculous as using Facebook groups as a major way to protest politics).

Fueling this stupidity are the cities who have decided to somehow “protest Arizona.” How do they plan to accomplish this? By no longer buying products from here? Okay. That seems feasible, despite the huge waste of time and money it would take to renegotiate these purchases from elsewhere. Or are they going to turn away visitors from such a “racist” state when they try to check in at hotels or make purchases? Is there anyone who would honestly turn down the chance to make a profit, especially during a time of economic difficulty? Unlikely.

To me, it seems like this ploy is nothing more than a way to attract potential tourists. “See how morally sound yet simultaneously progressive the city of Townsville is? Doesn’t this seem like a great a place to take the kids on vacation? Or even MOVE to?” FUCK YES CITY OF TOWNSVILLE, YOU BET I’LL PACK UP MY CROTCH PARASITES AND VISIT YOUR ILLUSTRIOUS COMMUNITY WHILE COMPLETELY OVERLOOKING YOUR OWN POLICIES REGARDING ILLEGALS.

And the celebrity protests? All I can manage is a simple who the fuck cares? Do you have a history of human rights involvement where a camera and/or reporter weren’t involved? Do you have a background in law, criminal justice, or the U.S.’s history of illegal immigration policy? Or is it simply that your star has been dimming, and you need some way to remind the public that you are somehow still relevant in an era when your greatest hits can be easily pirated and there’s no incentive to see your lackluster stage show?

So continue to protest Arizona all you want, but remember, you sound like an ignorant motherfucker who makes sweeping generalizations about 6,595,778 people.

Go forth and hate (the law, not the people).

Related links:
Protests Against the Arizona Immigration Law
Arizona Immigration Bill SB1070, A Drunk Review

The Fuck Buddy vs. The Friend With Benefits

May 12, 2010

As I’ve often said, relationships can be awesome, supportive, and full of love and personal growth.

Yeah, that does sound pretty gay.

Let’s face it, sometimes you just don’t want to be in a relationship. I, for example, do not have the time or energy to nurture anything significant. I work a high stress, full-(usually over) time job, go to school, and I have various other projects and interests that I’m developing. My spare time is spent in purely selfish pursuits, and it’s awesome. However, it’s important to remember one thing:

Single does not mean sexless.

Oh my god, did I just blow your mind?

Forget what you’re mothers have told you, ladies. It is quite possible and totally healthy to have sex and not be in love. While there’s always the good ol’ one night stand to satisfy your lusting, there are other slightly more long-term options for relationship-null sex.

The Fuck Buddy

First of all, let me simply say that in my humble and skewed opinion, fuck buddies are magical.

A fuck buddy can be a casual acquaintance through a friend, family member, work, school, etc. It’s someone who you know well enough that you can trust they wont’ be riddled in STDs but aren’t particularly close to. They usually have some flaw which prevents further developing a relationship, such as being ugly with the lights on, socially retarded, weird and foreign instead of exotic, or is just an asshole. Or you both simply aren’t looking for anything special.

Sex is usually mutually understood to mean nothing beyond that. Any interactions are almost guaranteed to end with bumping uglies. A fuck buddy is a good person to experiment with, as their opinion doesn’t really matter.

The Friend With Benefits

This is altogether a much more stickier situation and way less simple than the fuck buddy. A friend with benefits is usually someone, obviously, who you have an established friendship with. There’s a previous history of caring and concern, but there’s something preventing a full blown relationship between the two of you. It’s a lot more difficult to keep sex simple and emotion-free and it requires a lot more self awareness and control to maintain successfully.

A friend with benefits is a risky endeavor as it has the potential to end friendships altogether and sets the foundation for heartbreak if things start to get out of hand. Undertake with caution.

Just remember that whatever type of relationship you choose to pursue, be it coupled or non-committed, to always be safe and use protection (and keep in mind, the pill does not prevent STDs). Be honest with yourself and your partner, and enjoy yourself!

What’s your opinion on no-strings-attached sex?

Go forth and hate (while gettin’ busy).

Related The Hating Expert links:
Safe Sexy Time Part One: Barrier Methods

Fashion Refutes Sexual Assault??

May 3, 2010

A court in Australia today acquitted a man of rape under the argument that there is no way a woman wearing size six skinny jeans could have possibly not participated in their removal.

WHAT?

Are you kidding me?

There is so much wrong with this case that it left me momentarily speechless.

Firstly, this again supports the statement that women who wear “provocative” clothing were asking to be raped. However,  is wearing a garment that’s IN STYLE really provocative? Did it ever occur that following trends does not make you a sex-crazed, hysterical woman, but merely one who takes pride in her appearance and likes to look up to date? There is also the double standard that a women who is trendy is somehow better than the woman who isn’t. Yet, being in style somehow permits rape. Women who aren’t dressed in popular outfits are often discounted as irrelevant or confronted with accusations of their “deviant” sexuality. (Oh Ugly Susie, it doesn’t matter how intelligent or genuine you are, your wardrobe makes you look like a frumpy lesbian, which negates all of your contributions.)

Secondly, why did the woman’s size matter at all? A size six is not a giant tub of jiggling lard, but a healthy and normal weight. Women are subjected to impossible standards where they must be both thin and fit, trendy but not shallow, intelligent but not threatening, and sexually active while being simultaneously passive.

Note: I just found out that size six in Australia equals about a size two in the U.S.

I’d also like to point out that skinny jeans can be taken off by another person. It’s not a particularly difficult task to perform. All the other party would have to do is tug at the bottom of the legs, just like the wearer would to remove them. This does not require some special degree in engineering to figure out, but mere functioning intelligence.

Speaking of intelligence, how could a jury of ADULTS be stupid enough to fall for idiotic fashion stereotypes? Yes, some women wear pants that are too tight. However, they’re not a vice grip, just an article of fabric fitted to the body. They do not double as a magical chastity belt and they are not as impossible as current media jokes would lead one to infer. Anyone with half a functioning brain could easily see that humor does equate truth. Idiots.

Ultimately, ridiculous notions about women’s sexuality and behavior completely mock the justice system and perpetuates a society which advocates rape. Even if Nicholas Gonzales had been convicted, he likely would not have received more than a two year sentence, and that only if he had completed the full term. Possession of weed, a crime which has far less serious ramifications on society, has a mandatory minimum sentencing of ten years. Why is violence against women still seen as socially permissible? Anger over this ridiculous criminal justice policy results in women  being called “man haters” or “femi-nazis,” when it is simply the absurd antics of the double standards which permeate into every single aspect of our lives which inspires outrage. Accepting a society which permits this shit is simply impossible.

Why Does A Fetus Have More Value Than A Woman?

April 27, 2010

Oklahoma has passed one of the most disgusting, invasive, and restrictive laws on reproductive rights yet. It’s reprehensible effects are two-fold: it forces women to view a pre-abortion ultrasound and condones doctors lying about patient health.

This post will focus and discuss the first part, while The Sangfroid will explore the latter.

This new law forces a woman who is choosing to undergo an abortion procedure to watch an ultrasound while a technician or doctor describes the fetus’s heartbeat, limbs, and organs. This includes cases of rape and incest.

Um, excuse me. Does a vet force someone to watch a video of puppies and kittens being shot gun blasted before performing euthanasia?

Why is it that once a woman gets knocked up, her rights and need become secondary to that of a fetus? Once she’s impregnated, she is regarded and treated simply as a breeder, a mobile uterus which must bow down to society over her own needs. Her rights, wants, feelings, and situation no longer matter. She MUST be a mother, god damn it, whether she is fit to be one or even desires it.

Some argue that a fetus has rights. Well, what about the rights and protections of the mother? Who better to make a decision regarding her own health and life than her, especially in a country where maternal death is on the rise? Each woman’s position is unique and characterized by individual experience; they cannot be lumped together in a sweeping generalization that they are sinners or somehow immoral. There are women who want children, and are under threat by the partner to abort, or who simply cannot afford it. Instead of villain-izing women, we should support those who want to be mothers, and those who don’t. Life is not a Juno movie–there is not always some cool, yuppie family who are financially able and willing to adopt a child. The foster care and adoption systems in the U.S. is rife with abuse and fraud, and the majority of children who enter it will not be adopted. Instead, they will grow up in group homes where they will never be hugged or hear the words, “I love you.”

Conservative restriction on a woman’s reproductive rights is the ultimate hypocrisy: they argue for a government which supports limited interference, privacy, and individual choice. Yet I cannot think anything that goes against these ideals more than telling a woman what she can and cannot do with her body, and what roles she should and should not fulfill.

Motherhood is not mandatory, it is a choice which is solely a woman’s, and no one else.

What do you think? Should a woman sacrifice her rights for that of a fetus?

Go forth and hate.

The Hating Expert related posts:
Pharmacies Continue To Deny Women Birth Control
And Jesus Said, “Bitch had it coming.”

Arizona Immigration Bill SB1070, A Drunk Review

April 25, 2010

So, dear readers, let me preface this by explaining that I had spent a long day in class, a long evening at work, and a long night drinking. At the time, it seemed like a good idea to hide the fact that I looked like shit by wearing a hat.

But anyways, Dr. Sangfroid and I got to together to have an intelligent (i.e. drunk) discussion regarding the controversial passage of Arizona’s new immigration legislation SB1070.

Note: Please don’t take this video too seriously, we sure didn’t. And the views expressed are not necessarily our own, simply pros and cons.

What do you think? Is this law the crack down on illegal immigration we’ve been waiting for, or a blatant excuse to use racial profiling? Are there any points of discussion you’d like to add?

And Jesus Said, “Bitch had it coming.”

April 21, 2010

Blame the victim: Religious leaflet claims ungodly dressed women provoke rape

By this logic, a certain Jew, and later Christians, wouldn’t have been crucified if they’d picked a different faith, or kept their mouths shut. They knew what they were doing was illegal. Clearly, they had it coming.

What do you think?

How would you react if someone handed you this pamphlet?

If a woman is raped, did she bring it on herself?

Related The Hating Expert posts:
April Is Sexual Assault Awareness Month
Alex Knepper Is Pro Rape