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The Virgin Issue Part Two: Purity Balls

June 8, 2010

"Your vag is always on my mind, honey."

For Fathers:
I (Daughter’s Name)’s Father, choose before to God to war for my daughter’s purity. I acknowledge myself as the authority and protector of my daughter’s virginity, and pledge to be a man of integrity as I lead, guide, and pray over my daughter and her virginity – as the High Priest of my home.

For Virgins:
I (Name) pledge my purity to my father, my future/husband and my Creator. I recognize that virginity is my most precious gift to offer to my future husband. I will not engage in sexual activity of any kind before marriage but will keep my thought and my body pure as a very special present for the one I marry.

For Secondary Virgins:
I (Name) re–pledge my purity to my father, my future/husband and my Creator. I now recognize that virginity is my most precious gift to offer my future husband. I deeply regret and will never again engage in sexual activity of any kind before marriage but will keep my thought and my body pure as a very special present for the one I marry.

Is there anything creepier than the idea of a purity ball?

Answer: No.

Jesus Christ, just reading those pledges makes my skin crawl and my stomach churn.

Purity balls are just another way for parents to avoid educating their children about sex. But more importantly it’s a way to continue to shame women about sex starting at a young age. Daughter, see that thing between your legs? That’s right, you don’t. Don’t ever look at it, touch it, or wonder about it. It’s nothing of your concern and if you take an interest in you’re a dirty little slut.

Yes, in theory I understand how it’s suppose to teach young women that they should wait for a man who loves and respects them, wants to marry and start a family, as modeled by a loving father in a healthy, (preferably nuclear) family. Let’s ignore the fact that that by a father referring to himself as the ‘high priest of the family’ that he is oppressing the other members and that good Christian marriages end in divorce too. Plus, a father who is claiming his daughter’s virginity as something which he needs to protect, an outdated and debatable concept, clearly has no respect or trust in his daughter. Exactly how is this a positive role model for future relationships? Yeah, your beau will respect you, but he’ll still dictate major decisions to you regarding an extremely intimate area or your life.

And why is a girl only validated if a boyfriend respects her? What about respecting herself and making her own decisions regarding her body? And if a parent is going to “own” any piece of their child’s body, why is the father, who has no idea what the female experience is like? How is a girl supposed to respect herself if the “greatest gift” she can give is her virginity? Really? The most important part of a girl is the one used for sexin’ it up? Not her intelligence or her love, just an orifice where a dick, or other objects depending on your interests, can go. Oh yeah, that’s a great message to send to your daughters: your value lies in your vagina. But only once. After that, it’s all down hill.

If parents are so concerned about their children boning, they should just talk to them about it. Explain what sex means both physically and emotionally. Discuss how increasing the age at which you choose to have intercourse decreases your number of partners and therefore lessens your exposure to disease.

I’m in no way suggesting that kids should run around fucking each other, because kids are god damn stupid, but an informed young woman should be able to make her own decisions regarding her body. If her parents have empowered her from a young age that she, and only she, is in control of her body, then they are creating a stronger, more confident and productive member of society.

Purity balls have no point but to shame and devalue women based on concepts that were formed in a time where illness was caused by demons, rats materialized out of garbage, and it was acceptable to occasionally fuck a sheep. It’s time to move forward and teach girls that they are more than their virginity.

Go forth and hate.

Related The Hating Expert posts:
The Virgin Issue Part One: The Mythical Hymen
Safe Sexy Time Part One: Barrier Methods

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. June 8, 2010 2:30 pm

    Although i’ve been a long time hater of The Purity Ball, i had never read the actual vows. Thanks for posting. It’s absolutely appalling. Who even comes up with that “High Priest of my home” shit? Frightening.

    • June 14, 2010 4:33 pm

      I had to do a double take when I read that high priest bit. It just demonstrates how out of touch and antiquated the whole concept is.

  2. June 8, 2010 6:04 pm

    Uhg, so CREEPY and devaluing. It’s the age old practice of oppressing women through fear and shame. How about if you want your daughter to be a successful and happy human being, you teach them about logic, bravery, and self-worth instead of shielding their eyes?

    • June 14, 2010 4:35 pm

      A daughter is only successful if she’s cranking out more crotch parasites.

      In the context of marriage, of course.

  3. Ammy permalink
    June 8, 2010 8:44 pm

    That totally creeped me out. x_X

    I was brought up in a Christian family where virginity was considered really important and all, but not quite to that extent. It was more like, love yourself enough to give it to someone worthy of you- and that person should be your husband (’cause you wouldn’t marry someone who isn’t worthy, hopefully).

    Frankly, I was relieved to give it up to someone else and be done with it though. Maybe I’ll regret that one day, but for now, I feel like a was rid of a burden.

    Calling it a “purity ball” brings to mind far too many phallo-centric thoughts anyway. :p

    • June 14, 2010 4:37 pm

      I feel like it’s building up this process which can be super important and meaningful, but in a negative way. Like, you’ve been waiting your whole life to nail someone, you finally do, and you realize, “Shit, that’s what I’ve been waiting so long for?” Why create so much anxiety about such a natural behavior?

      • LOLOL permalink
        August 6, 2010 12:16 am

        LOL! Hung-over rainbow!! LOL

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