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You’re Just Not That Into Him

January 16, 2010

So ladies, you’re single and on the market. You’ve got offers coming in from all sides and you’re practically beating men away with a stick. Right? Totally.

With all these men flitting into your life, it can be confusing to keep track of everything. Does he like me? Was telling that story about the time I vomited and missed both the toilet and the bathtub too much? Was that dress too slutty? I don’t want him to get the wrong idea of me!!

Well, fuck that.

What do you think about him?

I know, I know, most magazines and blogs always seem to skip this important question. We have become so indoctrinated against anything that might be deemed as “mean” behavior that we forget these feelings are there for a reason. Feeling repulsion towards someone? Probably because they’re an asshole and your Id doesn’t want to play with them.  Woman must always be nice or run the risk of being perceived as the crazy bitch. In this mind set, it’s far too easy to get completely lost in what he wants, and forget about what you want.

If you’re having trouble admitting to yourself that Mr. Right Now is not the one for you, I’ll do it for you. Here are some clarifying behaviors to watch for.

Warning Signs:

-After kissing him, you go home and realize you can still taste him in your mouth. You promptly begin to dry heave.

-He pops an awkward boner when you go to hug him goodbye. You instantly call your girlfriend to make fun of it.

-He does something so embarrassing you don’t even tell your friends. Like loosing his shit over a bug for ten minutes. And this includes after it’s been stomped on (by you).

-Everything got better when you started drinking.

-You can’t remember his real name, only the nick name you assigned him in your head.

-You start texting your friends during your date because you’re bored.

-You consider going on more dates with him as material for your blog.

-After your date, you go and hang out with other men.

-You liked him better when you were drunk. Or, when he was drunk.

-When he texts you, facebook messages, or does any form of communication really, you think, “God, he’s being so clingy!”

Go forth and hate (the one you really like).

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9 Comments leave one →
  1. January 16, 2010 4:40 pm

    “He does something so embarrassing you don’t even tell your friends. Like loosing his shit over a bug for ten minutes. And this includes after it’s been stomped on (by you).”

    Umm this happened to me (I was the one who stomped on it). Hahahahaha. Why don’t magazines print this stuff instead of ‘acing that first date’ or ‘how to please your man in bed’???

  2. January 17, 2010 5:15 pm

    ahahah fucking wonderful because it’s TRUE. Just the other day I realised I cared more about whether he liked me or not than whether I actually liked him. Turns out I didn’t (because of the reasons you mentioned above). A-fucking-men.

    • January 17, 2010 6:07 pm

      I think that we become so manic about whether or not men are interested in us, because we’ve gotten into the mind set that if he doesn’t like you, then there’s something wrong with you. The idea of chemistry between two people seems to have been completely disregarded.

  3. Daija permalink
    January 21, 2010 3:24 pm

    OMG! this blog is like…right on time! i JUST received a text message from a guy i am blatantly brushing off, but he is just ughhhh. im about to just tell him upfront its just not gonna work. The first thing i think when i get a text or message from him is “DAMN HE IS FUCKING CLINGY!” He must be gone…now.

  4. September 4, 2010 11:58 am

    This is a hilarious post and great tips for dating. Nicely done.

    Another warning sign:
    When you’re thinking of another guy or checking out another guy while on the date.

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