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How to Get Over the Boy-THE RIGHT WAY

January 12, 2010

Relationships can be absolutely beautiful. However, they can also be a fucking train wreck. When they end, it can be utterly devastating and you are entitled to grieve your loss–to a point. But after a certain amount of time has lapsed, you are simply harboring, increasing, and creating your own hurt.

Here are tips to expedite recovering from a broken heart:

Step One: Actively Hate

Yes, he probably had tons of great qualities, which is what attracted you in the first place. BUT IT’S OVER. There is no longer any need to idealize this person or give him the benefit of the doubt. For every nostalgic memory you have (“Aww, Boy used to always have my favorite candy on hand for when I was feeling down!”), there is an equally shitty one (“Boy made me watch stupid youtube fan videos of Halo. For hours.”)

For every nice thought, you need to remind yourself of why you are better off without him. No longer having to feign interest in things? FUCKING WIN.

Or, to be more mature, remind yourself of why you broke up, whether it was on his terms or yours.


I have read so many blogs where women advocate stalking their exes on facebook (ahem, Do not and I repeat-DO NOT-stalk. In fact, block him instantly. Win that battle. One of my biggest regrets is letting my ex have that little victory. Asshole.

While there is the possibility that you two could be friends or somehow be involved in each others lives, you need to separate yourself from him. There is no way to get over a problem if you keep bringing it into your life every day.

Remember, you can always choose to unblock him. But only if you want to. You are by no means required to make this man (or retarded man-child, whatever) happy.

Step Three: Occupy Yourself

Go out with your girlfriends (FYI, do not let them bring boyfriends. That’s like rubbing your nose in it, the bitches). Go to parties and flirt shamelessly with stupid frat boys. There is a saying which goes, “The best way to get over a guy is to get under one.” While I do not believe that this is necessarily true, there is nothing quite as fantastic as knowing that you are attractive and wanted, despite what your dirty ex-boyfriend might think. And let’s be honest, manipulating men is a power trip.

It is also important to remember to avoid old haunts. That Starbucks you two used to frequent? Fuck it. Go to Dutch Brothers instead. (Just kidding Starbucks, I love you.) Find new places and make them your own.

Remember, you are fantastic and beautiful and you do not a peen to remind you of this.

Go forth and hate.

9 Comments leave one →
  1. January 12, 2010 4:54 am

    Step one is a little out there, but the other two steps I think I could agree with.

    • January 12, 2010 9:12 pm

      Step one is a little extreme, but I feel like it’s appropriate. Emotional distance is needed when recovering from a break up, especially if it was a particularly rocky one. Have you ever referred to an ex as a “stupid bitch?”
      With time, painting a fair picture of your ex is possible. Until then…

      • January 13, 2010 6:07 am

        Can’t say I’ve ever done that. I have referred to them as bitch if they continued to try and get back with me after completely blowing me out of the water with their ridiculous method of break up.

  2. Ammy permalink
    March 29, 2010 2:40 am

    I think all the steps are good. Step one is totally in character- you’re The Hating Expert! (And boy, do I ever have some hate going for my ex!)

    • March 29, 2010 11:35 am

      I’ve gotten a lot of crap for step one, but it’s true!! Pining away for someone accomplishes nothing but feeling worse.

  3. April 10, 2010 8:35 pm

    it’s true… you have to HATE the ex to get over them. I had a hard time getting over my ex 4 years after the fact. Then one day i caught him in bed with my good friend while I was sleeping in the same house. that made me hate him and at the same time, get over him. Then my most recent ex, I fucked up and got stupidly drunk and texted him things I shouldn’t have. needless to say that cut off all communication and I have been able to get over him now too.

    • April 14, 2010 1:49 pm

      I know! People always tell me that this is too extreme. I’m not saying you need to hate someone forever, but hate them until you’re over the relationship–what’s worse, feeling anger towards someone who legitimately hurt you until you’ve gotten over the experience and can view it with perspective and (hopefully) gained wisdom, or pining and longing for someone who CLEARLY does not deserve your attention?

      If you focus on only the good parts of that person, and in particular who you thought that person was, you miss being with that person. It just leads to a cycle of heartbreak and depression. Hold them accountable, see that person for who s/he truly was, and move on with a lesson learned. With time, you can be fair again. Or not. It doesn’t matter, just as long as that person is no long a cause of pain for you.


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